The Psychology of the Incel
What is the psychological profile of an incel and what can be done about this growing social phenomenon?
In recent years, the term ‘incel’ has gained notoriety on the internet and in public discourse. Short for ‘involuntary celibate’, an incel is an individual who identifies as being unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one. While not all self-identified incels display harmful behaviours, a vocal and concerning subset of this group has become synonymous with toxic beliefs, misogyny, and violent tendencies. In this article, I want to explore the psychology of an incel in order to better understand and propose solutions for this growing social phenomenon.
Inceldom, in it’s socially harmful form, is a toxic coping mechanism that has been developed by certain types of men in response to the modern age in which changing dating dynamics and economic emancipation for women has left them feeling they can no longer compete. Incels complain that most women are now chasing a small number of highly desirable men and most others do not have the resources or physical attributes to get any female attention. They further blame society, feminism and capitalism for their predicament and generally rely on external sources of blame. As such, they develop a negative and self-defeating ideology that creates a downward spiral of doom and social isolation that only exasperates the problem.
At a psychological level there are, however, some common traits that incels are likely to share. According to a 2022 study, those who are involuntarily single of extended periods of time tend to score low in extraversion on the Big 5 Personality traits. A low extraversion score is not surprising since relationships require social confidence and the ability to develop and maintain conversations with people you do not already know. Sub-traits of extraversion are assertiveness, warmth, excitement-seeking and positive emotions, which are all qualities one would need to form and maintain romantic relationships.
Incels are also more likely to be on the autism spectrum, with one study finding that a quarter of those surveyed reported autistic symptoms whilst an analysis of seven incel-related cases of violence suggested that more than half showed characteristics of autism. Certain types of autism can lead to difficulties with social cognition and an inability to form relationships. Autistic people are also more likely to be drawn to a rules based systems that offers stability in a world of complex and hard to read social cues, and the incel ideology offers exactly that.
Another recent study found that incels are more likely to suffer from paranoia, anxiety and depression. This poses a bit of a ‘chicken and egg’ dilemma, in that it is sometimes difficult to know which came first, the anxiety and depression or the lack of success with women. Overall, this does mean they are highly likely to have poor psychological well-being which leads to a lack of motivation, a sedate lifestyle, low testosterone and constant thoughts of dread. These are all factors that are likely to contribute towards failure in the dating market.
Other studies have found that Inceldom is correlated with a fearful attachment style, in which one is comfortable without close emotional relationships, prefers not to depend on others or have others depend on them. This attachment style is often the result of a childhood in which comfort and safety was compromised and the child’s needs were not met. Thus, the individual learnt to distrust close emotional relationships and replaced the need for them with self-reliance. This would suggest that incels perhaps lack the motivation to go out and seek relationships in the first place since they are somewhat distrusting of them.
A tendency for interpersonal victimhood, which refers to a desire for recognition as a victim and feelings of moral superiority with limited empathy for others, is also a trait that has been found to be common amongst incels. Those who suffer from this tend to develop an external locus on control, meaning they feel powerless and blame others for their travails. They may attribute their failures to societal norms, physical appearance, or the supposed shallowness of women. This externalization can lead to a deep sense of resentment, often directed towards women and men who are perceived as successful in romantic pursuits.
Online communities have played a crucial role in shaping the psychology of incels too since they often congregate in internet forums and social media groups, creating echo chambers that validate and amplify their toxic beliefs. These virtual spaces can further entrench distorted thinking and foster a sense of camaraderie around shared grievances. Social media algorithms have also been shown to play a role in fostering this movement by actively promoting misogynistic content to young teenage boys with view to retaining attention for monetary purposes. Thus, the echo chambers are nurtured by a sinister business model in which societal harm is a by-product of corporate profits.
At the heart of incel psychology lies a sense of identity shaped by a sense of perpetual rejection and entitlement. This pattern of rejection can cause a downward spiral of negative self-perception and contribute to developing toxic beliefs about relationships and women. Whilst solutions to a problem as complex and multi-faceted as this may not be easy to find, Japan could be a good place to start the search.
From the early 1990s onwards Japan began to experience a phenomenon of mainly young men withdrawing from society and leading a hermit like existence. These are called ‘Hikikomori’, which literally translates to a person who avoids social contact. Typically these men are middle class, live with their parents, stay in their bedrooms, play videos games and rely on delivery services and the internet for entertainment and even work. Many blame the intense social and economic pressures of Japanese society for this phenomenon, especially since these pressures have been constant whilst the economy has become stagnant. Currently, this phenomenon is estimated to affect around 1.5 million men in Japan.
The Hikikomori avoid women and relationships too but romance was not viewed as a key issue for them. However, since 2016, there has been a steady stream of violent attacks targeting women that have involved individuals involved in a Hikikomori lifestyle. In May 2019, Ryuichi Iwasaki stabbed a number of school girls waiting at a bus stop in the city of Kawasaki, killing 2 and maiming a further 18. He eventually stabbed himself in the neck and died. In August 2021, Yusuke Tsushima began stabbing girls on a commuter train in Tokyo, injuring 10 people. After being apprehended, he confessed to being driven by a hatred for women, stating he had wanted to ‘kill a happy looking women for the past 6 years’. Both Tsushima and Iwasaki were later described as being socially awkward, withdrawn and unsuccessful with women.
According to research in Japan, the Hikikomori tend to have social anxiety, depression, autism and an avoidant personality disorder. In other words, they have practically the same psychological profile as incels and both lead similar lifestyles in that they are socially withdrawn. This suggests that incels and hikikomori could be culturally varied manifestations of the same social phenomenon with the pressure of modern capitalist societies and the internet acting as common amplifiers. As such, we should look for solutions in policies the Japanese have taken to address the hikikomori issue.
Japan currently has over 50 government funded community support centres located throughout the country that offer support for the Hikikomori. These typically offer various forms of interventions that range from support for family members and group therapy to social participation trials. Other support methods include home visits by specialists who maintain constant contact and slowly expand the range of activities and relationships they offer. This way the Hikikomori learn to gradually enjoy contact with others, develop the motivation for social participation and improve their ability to form social bonds. These interventions have proven to be successful.
Instead of viewing inceldom as just a deviant social movement, maybe we should also view it as a public health crisis. It could be that incels are merely single young men who are suffering from poor psychological well-being with the resulting frustration being exploited by online forums and directed towards their inability to find a romantic partner. If that is the case then surely we should be focusing on developing and offering bespoke support that can address and alleviate the underlying psychological issues, and making it easier for individuals to access that support. We should also make it easier for families to come forward in order to seek support for their loved ones.
Inceldom is a reaction to a particular cultural context for a certain type of person in an age in which the internet can facilitate the weakening of social norms and the exploitation of those who feel despondent. Surely we should be paying closer attention to how we can help people better adapt to the new digital and hyper-individualistic world we are creating, otherwise we will leave the most vulnerable behind.